Self-Care Moods

The one sorta comparing self-care to Third Eye Blind.

Good morning!

Lately I’ve been missing my mom a lot. That probably doesn’t seem surprising —when people are gone, we miss them, right? That’s just how it goes. And I’ve been in a perpetual state of missing since she passed away last summer. Grief certainly does ebb and flow, as just about everyone will tell you if you let them, but (as I’ve mentioned before here), I’ve figured out how to control my grief at this point, so to speak. In other words, yes I completely miss my mom all the time, every day, but it’s not so overwhelming I can’t breathe or can’t think about literally anything else, like it was in the initial few months after.

Anyways, all that to say, I miss my mom. It feels more acute this month, and I’m not entirely sure why because September isn’t necessarily significant to me — other than I love back-to-school season and always have. (It’s the Virgo in me, what can I say.) Maybe it’s because school makes me think of my childhood, or maybe it’s because my birthday was last month, or maybe it’s just because I’ve been in that stress tornado I mentioned in my last post, and mega stress always makes me want to call my mom (and extra stressed when I cannot).

And when I’m feeling sad (or anxious from stress), I’ve come to realize I have a go-to mode of self-soothing: I surround myself with things (media) that remind me of the ‘90s. More specifically, mid-late ‘90s in New York City.

I know how bizarre that sounds, so allow me to explain…

When I think self-care, I don’t think bubble baths and face masks. I know some people do, but I think of it more as a term referring to an all encompassing act of making yourself feel better or become calmer when you’re going through something difficult…. whether that’s living through this pandemic, or grieving the loss of your person, or handling a break-up. It’s all the stuff you do that’s virtually you trying to give yourself a hug. And as such, I’m starting to think our go-to self-care tendencies often have a theme, or even a genre perhaps, that’s personal to us and encapsulates whatever we personally consider to be relaxing or soothing or protective. For me, it’s apparently the decade when I was in elementary school, and my hometown. (Or at least that’s one of my go-to self-care modes.) I’d never put two and two together before, but it certainly makes sense — at least in my life.

When I’m feeling lost or overwhelmed or anxious, I gravitate toward watching familiar television shows from the ‘90s, especially ones set in New York City, and favorite movies from the same period (hello, “You’ve Got Mail” for the 900th time — watched that again last week). Lately it’s also meant feeling the urge to surround myself with ‘90s music — Natalie Imbruglia, Third Eye Blind, Alanis, a bevy of boy bands —while I’m working to while I’m exercising (there are a LOT of ‘90s themed Peloton class, in case you’re interested).

I realized this weird correlation after I found myself on the couch after work watching “Felicity” these last couple of weeks. I’d never watched it as a kid, and quite honestly it’s not very good, but it somehow feels… comforting. And, now I’m invested! (I at least need to see why she ends up cutting her signature locks, right?) By the way, if you’re unfamiliar, the show is set in New York City in the ‘90s.

What’s self-care mean to you? Let me know in the comments, please!

+++

On an unrelated note, if you’re reading this (and have been reading along for the last 10 months or so), please consider sharing this newsletter with a friend, and/or subscribing if you haven’t already. It’s the best way you can support me as a writer, as well as let me know you enjoy these posts.

Oh, and I know that it would probably be helpful to stick to a certain day to send these out like I did in the beginning (my life just hasn’t facilitated that as of late), so if you have feelings about that (or anything else!), send me a message.

I so appreciate you — thank you for reading.

Sending you all the YAYs,

Joelle

p.s if you enjoyed this post, consider sharing it with a friend or ‘Like’ it by hitting the heart button at the top. xo