Lately, I’ve been in what I not-so-affectionally refer to as a stress tornado. It’s a stress-ridden situation that is so all-consuming and seemingly relentless, with more questions than answers. Anyways, mine is a long story that I won’t saddle you with here (let’s just say it involves health insurance) and it appears to be retreating, but my recent circumstances led me to think about how I navigate peak stress and anxiety, especially in the face of the unknown — tunnels that you don’t know will for sure have a light at the end, things you can’t necessarily control or have a tremendous impact on.
So, here’s a few practices and habits that help me when I’m in the eye of the storm, so to speak. Sharing just in case it might be helpful in whatever is challenging you most these days.
1.) Take Action.
I heard Gretchen Rubin (you know, of The Happiness Project book?) comment on a podcast recently that “action is the antidote to anxiety,” and I found myself nodding aggressively in return. For me, action is really the only thing that makes me feel better when life feels impossibly beyond my grasp or the future is freaking me out. (Bonus points if you thought of this song when you read that last line.)
Even when the situation you’re in is truly 1 million percent outside your sphere of influence, there’s always something you can do to at least feel like you’re making progress or helping or just doing something to move in the right direction. Taking even the smallest step can help you feel less powerless, and more like you’re moving forward. That can be reaching out for more information, doing research, talking to others who’ve been in a similar situation… whatever. And maybe whatever action you take really won’t affect any outcome whatsoever, it will still allow you to feel like you’ve been able to have at least a modicum of control in an extremely powerless situation.
2.) Tell People… But Not Too Many.
When I’m in a high stress situation, my natural reaction is to dive inward and try to fix it all myself (especially if it feels personal) — and not want to talk to anyone about it. I’ve found, though, that keeping the stress completely inside, bottled up, tends to lead to more stress. And we sure don’t need that, right? Sharing what you’re going through with some people you’re close to, whether that’s your best friend or your sister or your spouse, can make that stress tornado feel a little less lonely, and maybe even a little less impossible to overcome.
On that note, think carefully about who and how many people you are sharing the details of your stressful event with. I know there’s plenty of people who are interested in sharing everything with everyone they know, in the hopes of finding a solution faster (my dad is like that, for example), but for me, that just backfires. Everyone has an opinion — everyone. And that’s good, but also, when you’re already feeling the pressure, more people weighing in and telling you what to do, or scaring you further with what else could go wrong, is not helpful (and definitely not going to boost the ol’ mental health).
3.) Give Yourself Grace.
We aren’t perfect, even on our best days. Humans are messy and flawed and there’s just a whole lot going on in the world right now. I mean, especially these days, but there always is, isn’t there? It’s never a “good” time to find yourself in the thick of a difficult situation or receiving devastating news. And, there’s no right way to react. If some moments or days you feel like you’re not handling your stress tornado or anxiety or whatever well enough, or like it’s causing you to have less energy or attention for other things that usually need lots of your energy or attention, work on getting rid of those expectations. Literally, toss them straight into the trash. You’re handling things the best you can with the information and tools you have available to you at this particular moment in time, and maybe that’s not going to look graceful or breezy, but it’s real and it’s you.
It is incredibly difficult to continue showing up in the world as the best version of ourselves when we’re already exhausted and carrying the weight of some additional stressors. Some of those other balls you have in the air are going to drop, and that’s okay. Let it be okay.
4.) Hope is Magic.
It may sound trite, but positive thinking really does go a long way. I’m a naturally positive person, but even still, I have a tendency to think of the worst case scenario automatically. This is largely because I want to be prepared should it happen, but that also makes it real simple to fall into the trap of assuming the worst is actually going to happen, or that it’s the only possible outcome… and that absolutely may not be the case! In my current sitch, I’ve run the gamut in my head of what could possibly end up happening, until I started to feel like I was knee deep in bad endings only. While sure, it made me feel like I was thinking through all the things that could go wrong so as to not be caught off guard, it also tacked on more anxiety. And realistically, the things that end up happening in life are most often the ones you didn’t expect or couldn’t possibly predict… I’ve only recently come to realize that seeping yourself in added worry under the guise of preparation is not actually proactive.
You are allowed to be hopeful and to believe not only in a positive outcome, but in yourself — in your strength and in your resilience. It’s very easy to slump into hopelessness, especially the bigger your stress tornado gets and the more closed doors you stare down. It doesn’t have to be your path, though, regardless of the circumstances you’re in. No one is handing out prizes for being most correct in assuming the worst — so honestly, why not choose to believe you can jump over that hurdle, and that you are strong enough to withstand this storm? It certainly doesn’t hurt. Yes, it can be tough to do, especially when you’re feeling worn out and beaten down, but you’ve done hard things before — you can do it again, no matter how difficult it may seem.
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One last thing! If you are in the middle of your own stress tornado, please make sure you’re fitting in time to do whatever you need to take care of yourself as you work through it (whatever it may be). Maybe that’s committing to a 5-minute mediation practice or maybe it’s just allowing yourself the time to lay on the sofa and not have to think about whatever’s causing your stress, even if for only a few minutes. You are allowed to rest, and to not have to think about the stress and anxiety and the what-ifs; it will not impede progress, I assure you.
Sending you all the YAYs,
Joelle
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I know exactly what a stress tornado feels like, but I think the storm of battling health insurance has got to be one of the most frustrating and maddening of them all. Also, I loved this line: “You’re handling things the best you can with the information and tools you have available to you at this particular moment in time, and maybe that’s not going to look graceful or breezy, but it’s real and it’s you.” That pretty much sums up the past year and a half! Hang in there and keep writing these, I love them!