You're Not Too Late

The one about taking your shot.

Oct 10, 2022

*I missed sending out this newsletter on Friday, so hitting your inbox a little off schedule this week.😘*

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about age, and missed opportunities, and the idea that you can potentially miss your chance at something that’s important to you, or potentially life-defining. More specifically, the notion that you can ever be *too old* for something to happen in your life.

There seems to be this misconception — sometimes silently underlined, sometimes scolded under the guise of a friendly reminder — that you can age out of things. Too old for TikTok, too old for certain clothes or hairstyles. Too old to say this or that, or to show up in a certain way in the world. It’s usually disclaimed as an ode to appropriateness. And similarly, society screams warnings and forebodings about reaching particular milestones: that you can become too old to be a parent, too old to find the love of your life, too old to try xyz. There’s always this sense of urgency, like “hurry up, or you’ll lose your chance forever!” as well as an element of shame. It’s the ticking crocodile following Captain Hook around, you know?

Personally, I’ve always found that to be complete bullshit. Fear-mongering to get people to do what’s expected or socially acceptable, for whatever reason. I never felt the pressure within my own life, and I’ve mostly moved to the beat of my own drum as a result — personally and professionally. Recently, though, I’ve found myself sitting with the fact that somehow, when I wasn’t paying attention, I turned the page and got to my mid-to-late 30s. (36 — not sure what you’d label that.) Suddenly, I’ve found myself feeling like I’m sitting on the edge of a cliff, as we talked about here but also in terms of some of the professional goals or dreams swimming around my head. I’m both stunned that my “youth” feels far away (the newly formed wrinkles on my face are not helping), and shocked at the sense that maybe I don’t have the endless buckets of time to achieve certain professional things I thought I’d eventually get to.

Now, I know your 30s are not, by any means, old, and I also know that aging is a privilege. It’s something I feel strongly about, and I will never be an apologist for getting older. What a luxury! What luck, and privilege to get grayer, to see more sunsets, to have had so many decades already for hugs and coffees and cloudy days. And, above all else, I have always known very well that a long life is not guaranteed. (Growing up with a chronic illness will teach you that lesson at a very early age.) But the fact that I do know all that is what’s made the moments where I’ve wanted to let out a slow whistle under my breath at the fact that I’m nearly 40 feel even stranger. More unexpected. And I know if that’s happening to me, then it’s definitely happening to others — especially if you haven’t checked off the certain “traditional” milestones our culture likes to point to as what makes for a well-rounded and meaningful life.

We live in this 24/7 social media landscape that’s nothing but a nonstop stream of messages shouting at you about what other people have achieved, and what maybe you should have already mastered too by this point. Often those people are your age, or even younger. It can feel like you’re late, or like you’ve missed your opportunity altogether — especially if you’ve tried and already struck out, once, twice, three times.

But, life is not one never-ending baseball game —there’s no umpire telling you to move on because you’ve already failed too many times. In fact, who even is there to say that you’ve failed? You, probably — that’s it. And just because you say it to yourself, doesn’t mean it’s true. In fact, many of things we tell ourselves are not.

The truth is that there is no one timeline for every human on earth to follow. You don’t have to be *this age* to pass go — to be married or have kids or move to a new place or see the ocean for the first time. In fact, there are no rules — none! — to follow in order to have that meaningful life, other than, perhaps, to surround yourself with love and the things that make you feel like yourself the most. That’s all. No rules proclaiming that if you’re not engaged by age X, or if you’ve had X number of relationships that didn’t work out by age X then you’ll never, ever find the person for you to build a future with (if that’s something you want). People find love at age 70. They have kids when they’re almost 50 (like my dad!). They do complete career changes of seismic proportions at 45. It’s possible.

It’s all possible.

When it comes to milestones or progress or becoming successful at whatever is important to you, age means……….. nothing. It’s all up to you, how much weight you assign it, or what artificial timelines you subscribe to. All hope doesn’t have to be lost just because you’ve had more closed doors than someone else. It doesn’t mean that what’s meant for you has missed you. It doesn’t mean there’s not more goodness to come for you.

Often I think about an oft-shared quote from the illustrious F. Scott Fitzgerald, which coincidentally is very similar to what I just wrote about (I looked it up to refresh my memory after I’d already written 99.9% of this newsletter post). I’ll leave you with this thought:

“For what’s it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And i hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you’ve never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

So Many Somethings

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