You Don't Have to Earn Your Turkey
The one before you do that turkey burn/trot/etc.
Hi friends!
It’s the Wednesday before Thanksgiving here in the U.S., and I thought I’d invite myself into your inbox with a friendly little reminder.
It’s short and simple: you don’t have to earn your holiday meal.
Or any meal, really.
You do not need to starve yourself today in advance of tomorrow’s dinner. You don’t have to workout for two hours tomorrow morning as prep. On Friday, you don’t have to jump into some “detox” or commit to a weird smoothie diet or start counting your macros. You can eat everything you want, anything you want, and the fact of the matter is you don’t have to do anything to deserve it. You’re a human, it’s a holiday, and what you automatically deserve is to enjoy your life. You are enough already (more than enough!), as you are. And celebrating and eating things that make you feel nostalgic and loved and happy are not a sin. It doesn’t mean you’re breaking some cardinal rule or invisible contract by having an extra helping or two of mashed potatoes, or skipping your workout in the morning, or both.
A long time ago (OK, not that long ago), I found myself in what felt like a never-ending cycle of feeling like I had to earn my food. If I didn’t exercise for XX minutes per day, or do *enough* cardio, I felt like I had failed. I felt guilty at every single meal that day, and second-guessed my hunger pains. And holidays? Oh gosh. Even worse. So stressful! I had to workout. I HAD to, or else I’d beat myself up for every morsel I ate, and for being someone who is, as a baseline, a hungry person. I always need seconds, and I almost always am the person at the table eating the most, in any given situation, even despite — as someone who’s very petite — usually being the smallest one. That may sound, to some, like some awkward flex, but it’s not. In fact, I’ve spent too many years feeling like there was something wrong with me for exactly that — for being this bottomless pit that always needed to eat more than whoever I was with — and holiday meals usually exasperated that.
I broke out of that diet culture-induced cycle several years ago, but I still remember it well. (You can read more about it here, if you want.) I think once you have experienced anything like that — disordered eating or orthorexia or feeling like you have to exercise away the calories you previously consumed (in severe cases, that’s called exercise bulimia, btw) — it is forever etched into your brain. An involuntary tick that that you have to mindfully shut down, because we don’t do that anymore. There’s perhaps always going to be triggers, and I’m sure for a lot of people, Thanksgiving is one of them. There’s enough diet culture fear mongering out there even still to make any sane person question whether or not they’re supposed to be cool with enjoying mealtime sans turkey trot or “turkey burn” workout class or whatever clever marketing your local gym has cooked up to make you feel pressured to exercise in advance of enjoying a holiday about gratitude. I basically only do Peloton workouts now and they’re pretty body positive (the instructors never mention losing weight or body size or calories, which I have no doubt in intentional), but I’m sure there are still plenty of fitness instructors out there in the world who are practicing their class monologues for the next few days as we speak, working in language about how you have to sweat out your pumpkin pie, and telling their students to do more reps to burn off however many calories are in a fluffy biscuit with gravy and “make up” for eating stuffing.
I say this every year, but gosh, enough! I am so, so over it. We have much larger problems in the world these days than the size in our jeans or figuring out ways to cut out food groups, you know? How, in 2022, are we still talking like this to others, and to ourselves?
You are worthy, as you are, right now.
If you want to workout before you gather with friends and family tomorrow (or whatever you plan is for the day), go for it! Have fun! I mean, I plan to do a spin class in the morning, and I have certainly done a few turkey trot races in my day. (I’d be doing one tomorrow if my body hadn’t recently decided it disagrees with my brain/heart and hates running.) But I do it because I love moving my body and am a better person after I sweat — not because I know I want to have extras of this or that food. Moving your body is a great goal, an admirable goal even, and it’s a privilege. I hope you do it because you genuinely enjoy it, and not because you feel like you have to, or because it’s a punishment. If you take anything away from this letter, I hope it’s that the you who lays on the sofa all day before Thanksgiving dinner and the you who runs five miles before Thanksgiving dinner are both amazing and both deserve the same amount of respect and grace… and food.
…okay, I’ll get off of my soap box now, but I hope you enjoy tomorrow, whatever you may be doing, and whoever you may be with. And sweet potato casserole (with marshmallows on top) is the #1 Thanksgiving food, the end.
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Have a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend! Personally, I’m thankful for each of you… you’ve made this little space and this random hobby that I created on a whim (two years ago this month!) something that’s all sorts of wonderful. I cherish all of your messages and comments — thank you for being here, for reading my words, and for trusting me with your personal stories. It means the world.
If you are in the upside down tornado that is grief and/or experiencing this holiday season for the first time without your person, I see you. Do what you need for YOU, and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. And maybe delete Instagram from your phone for a bit (it helps). Sending you a big hug. xo
Thanks for reading,
Joelle