Hello, Tuesday!
I have felt so scattered these last couple of weeks. Anyone else? The news and latest current events has been rough to digest, to say the least, and I’ve been stuck in my feelings. Or rather, feeling stuck? I don’t know. Just… stuck. Period.
It’s been a slow build-up, starting with the overall burnout that most everyone is shellacked with at this point. You know, from having to figure out life in this ongoing pandemic (or is it now endemic?) for the last few years. (Feels like the last million, tbh.) Personal struggles I’ve been experiencing when it comes to, I don’t know, general adulting in your 30s (thinking about having kids, trying to buy a house, etc.) have built on top and felt sharper as a result; for their own respective reasons, so many now feel nearly impossible and out of reach. And national issues (women’s rights being stripped, mass shootings, etc.) have been the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak.
Sometimes, I just want to scream into the void.
Life, while lovely and joyful, has also felt, at times this year, lonely and like a domino sequence of closed doors. The stuck-ness, the feeling of no or limited control over achieving the goals and milestones that I want, no matter how much I persevere or how resilient or persistent I may be, has started to get to me. I know they are small bumps in the road compared to the difficult journeys affecting so many others right now and always, but it’s still frustrating.
Things inevitably fall into place as and when they should, for each of us — I believe that. I know that to be true. Everyone is on different timelines in their lives, and what’s right or possible for me in any given moment may not be right or possible for you. And that’s okay. I logically know that (and am reminded of the Amy Poehler quote, “Good for her! Not for me”), but of course that doesn’t mean it’s not challenging to accept when we feel like there are immoveable objects from the universe blocking our path. In the meantime, we need patience, and flexibility, and faith. Heaping mugs full of all of the above, which definitely sounds like a recipe for a cake that doesn’t specify how long to bake it or maybe even how much of each ingredient you actually need.
Over Memorial Day weekend, I was telling a friend about how I’ve been feeling — the stuck-ness and the closed doors and the emotional disaster — and she promptly reminded me Mercury was in retrograde, and to take it easy on myself. Now while I don’t necessarily believe a planet’s movements have the power to make me a messier version of myself than usual, it did make me feel a smidge better. So, there’s that. 🫠
I don’t necessarily have the answer for how I’ve been feeling lately, and I’m sorry if you’re feeling like you’re in a similar boat. I will say this, though: sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves to keep moving forward. Or rather, moving forward in the direction we *think* is ideal for us, or would be the most preferred scenario in our minds. Or at least I know I do. But what if we don’t actually know what’s best for us in all situations? At least not totally. What if things really can and will work out for the best, whether or not we are death-gripping the steering wheel til our knuckles turn white? I mean, it’s possible! It’s a jarring thought for those of us who are recovering perfectionists or skeptics or both, to assume things in life can possibly turn out well without our direct intervention, but hey! You never know. And maybe that’s somewhat of a relief, too.
We don’t have to do everything perfect. We don’t have to do everything when everyone else is. Just because things are not working out how you want them to right this minute doesn’t mean that they won’t ever. A lot can change, in a day, a month, a year, five years — both good and bad. Might as well hope for the best (for ourselves, and for that cake).
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I hope you all have a a wonderful rest of your week! Can you believe it’s almost officially summer? I sure can’t (although the June gloom is probably to blame for that…).
If you can relate to anything I shared today, leave a comment please, and share with anyone who might need to hear it.
Thanks for reading,
Joelle
P.S. if you live in California, don’t forget to vote! Today’s the Primary Election.