Joy for Joy's Sake (Not Likes)
The one about trying to do things for the satisfaction of the journey, not the outcome or any other external metrics.
Good morning! You’re getting a rare Saturday sighting of this newsletter.
I wanted to talk about something that feels a bit like a part two of last week’s essay (and thank you, by the way, for the incredibly kind and encouraging words after that one). Some time last week, I came across this post on Instagram, about doing things because you enjoy them and not because of the metrics. It’s a simple post, but it makes a great point — do things and make things and create because you want to, not in congruence to the numbers of likes or shares you get along the way, or how *successful* you think xyz thing you’re creating will eventually be. It reminds me of the conversations of late about cringe on the internet, i.e., not seeking permission to share what you want no matter how embarrassing or cringey you’re worried about it seeming (or that others may take it as); if it makes you happy to post eight selfies or your to-be-read pile of books or a video where you deep dive how to make ice cream, cool, go for it.
The thesis is, I suppose, doing what makes you happy, but it’s also about creating art for art’s sake — whatever art may look like or feel like for you.
I am not a numbers person, per se, but I am (perhaps unfortunately) a competitive person… mainly with myself, but still. It connects back to the struggles I’ve had with wanting to write a book that I talked about last week. If there’s no specific deadline and I don’t know that something I am creating is going to be successful, or that anyone else will care, it’s harder for me to self-motivate. Sometimes I have to remind myself to separate the doing from the reacting — like I love writing, so I write this newsletter every week or so, and that’s important and valuable even if I’m the only person who reads it. An essay is still worthy of my time and energy if it’s something I’ve enjoyed creating, even if there are zero likes or comments after the fact.
I think this extends beyond art or creative pursuits too. It’s joy for joy’s sake, you know?
It’s not always easy to avoid getting caught up in the public approval game — in the cycle of seeking immediate praise or the instant gratification of positive affirmations after creating something — never mind not allowing your mood to be affected if something you love seems to get no reaction. I wish I didn’t care, and if I was making a pro-con list of things I like and dislike about myself, that you would probably end up in the dislike column. It’s something I’m forever working on, and that feels especially pertinent right now, as I’m trying (tryyyyyying!) to write a book. Or at least the first draft of a possible book manuscript. 😅 Today marks one year since I started that little personal creative venture, and I’ve done most of the writing quietly, behind closed doors. I think I posted about starting once on my Instagram stories last August, and that was that. Part of that has been to protect myself from embarrassment if I realized I didn’t enjoy writing it or couldn’t hack it, I suppose, but part of it was to also just have something I was working on just for me, with zero expectations from anyone else. It’s been kind of fun and satisfying to have this little project that lives just in my own head, even though I absolutely have waves of wondering what it’s all for. The few people who I’d previously told I had started trying to write a book (pre-last week’s essay), I’d given Spartan details to and mostly avoided answering their questions about how things were/are going. Ironically, even after writing last week’s essay, I still don’t really want to discuss it, want to keep it to work I do on my own private, but I guess I put it out into the ether for the larger accountability. To make it real.
I’m sure there’s social media to blame for our inability to do things without expecting or wanting praise, or maybe it’s just outcome of growing up in ‘90s/early aughts culture. Maybe it’s because of both. Either way, it’s a hard expectation to unlearn, hard to eliminate the ego, and it’s something I continue to have to remind myself in all areas of my life. Doing something for yourself, period, and being proud of it, knowing you did your very best and that it filled up your cup, no matter what anyone else says or doesn’t say. Lack of that external validation that so many of us have become programmed to expect or desire (especially if you’re a recovering people pleaser like yours truly) — whether it’s because you didn’t share it or because no one reacted to it how you hoped — doesn’t mean that what you made or did or expressed wasn’t important or special or incredibly well done. Do it anyways.
I guess I’m saying this as much for me as for you, but maybe we can remove the expectation of any type of measurement as it relates to the things that we enjoy doing or creating, and just hang on to the joy of the experience. Soak in the satisfaction of simply doing the thing and allow that to seep into our bones and be enough — doing it for ourselves, because we like it, and, perhaps, for the hope of it all.
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I hope you all have a lovely weekend! Those of us in Southern California are prepping to (unfamiliarly) batten down the hatches before Hurricane Hilary arrives. This is something pretty unusual for us SoCal-ers… most of us live here because of the static, predictable weather and lack of natural disasters (I mean, besides earthquakes). If you live in the area expected to be affected by the hurricane, please take precautions and be careful.
Also, I think I’m in a music rut; if you have any suggestions (artists/bands/playlists/songs), send ‘em along!
Thanks for reading,
Joelle