Friday Things // 12.18.2020

The grinch-y one.

Hi friends! Happy Friday!

Throughout my life, I’ve always been a yes person.

You know, the type who’s generally happy to go with the flow, and overall down to do whatever is needed to help someone else out or just get the job done. In other words, a people pleaser. Although in my case, it’s only to a certain extent, because I’m also a major rule follower. Sounds like a good time (and a smidge contradictory), right? I know, I know.

Maybe it’s the whole Virgo vibe or my inner Type A, but you tell me the rules, and I’m going to try follow them. I don’t even need that gold star — it’s just in my nature; I can’t help it. I was like that in elementary school, and I’m like that as an adult.

That type of personality makes the holidays in 2020 particularly confusing to navigate. Maybe you’ve felt this too, and found yourself in a similar boat — wanting to see your family for Christmas or Hanukkah or whatever you choose to celebrate, not wanting to let anyone down or have them be disappointed in you because you’re “just taking this all so seriously,” but also physically unable to ignore all the public health experts out there pleading to us to stay home.

It’s a pickle, that’s for sure.

And so, I made the decision to not travel for the holidays this year, and to advise my dad (who lives in another state) not to travel either. In other words, I told my newly widowed father who’s in his early 80s to be home alone for Christmas. 🙈

Never in my wildest dreams did I predict being forced to make a decision like that, to be a grinch and a jerk all rolled up into one, but — like so many out there this year — I am trying to do what is best for the greater good. To respect the nurses and doctors and experts, and also protect my family from potential danger. But gosh, does it feel lousy. Especially doing it all while I know others don’t necessarily agree.

Now, this is by no means a PSA to tell you what to do next or how to celebrate, so I hope that’s not how it sounds. It’s 100% not my job or my intention to advise you on how to spend the final days of 2020, or determine what’s best for you and your family. I’m sharing this because I want you to know that if you too feel like you’ve been saddled with impossible decisions to make, with choosing between two no-good, unfair options this year, or have already cozied up with the idea that you’ll be making yet another sacrifice in the midst of this incredibly challenging year while so many people are — to put it bluntly — flat out ignoring “the rules,” you’re not alone.

The rule follower in me wants to scream every single time I see someone posting about upcoming travel, or mask-less friend get-togethers they’re having, and I’ve felt that way for months. And every time, I think to myself, “Am I overreacting? Am I taking this too seriously? Is there something wrong with me, that I’m so risk averse or cautious right now?” But I’ve said this on social media and I’ll say it again here: you are not overreacting by choosing to stay home (per the public health experts’ guidance) and stay safe in the middle of a pandemic.

YOU are NOT overreacting.

Stop questioning your decisions. Stop letting other people make you feel bad for prioritizing your health, and doing what you feel is safest for you and your family.

Maybe you need to hear this right now. And hey, maybe you don’t, but just in case… I want you to know that I’m right there with you. It is hard to do the * right * thing (whatever that means for you). It is hard to make the difficult decisions about what is best for you or your family, always but even more so when the world out there feels so divided. It can feel isolating and uncomfortable, and I’m sure for many of us, that’s exactly what most of 2020 has felt like, and likely what this holiday season feels like.

One more thing!

I listened to a great podcast episode earlier this week featuring writer/speaker Nora McInerny, who largely covers grief. (If you’re unfamiliar with her, here’s a TED Talk she did. 💯) During the podcast, Nora said something about how it’s okay to choose to a different option for the holidays this year. That it’s okay to make it look however you need this year, instead of essentially trying to shoe-horn ourselves into the usual holiday traditions.

Maybe that means eating Chinese food in bed instead of heading to your parents’ house for your family’s normal holiday meal, or laying on the couch all of Christmas Day watching reruns of your favorite show alone and in pajamas. Maybe it means pretending holidays don’t even exist this year, which is essentially my chosen route for 2020.

That really spoke to me — that permission slip to just let this Christmas (or whatever holiday you celebrate, if any) be different, and feel different, and not have to pretend you’re having a great time, or making lemonade out of lemons. Let. It. Suck. Dare to let it be whatever it may be.

If you ask me, that makes you the bravest of them all. 💛

Thanks for reading,

Joelle