Friday Things // 08.19.22

The one channeling some yogi vibes.

Aug 19, 2022

You know when you just can’t get comfortable?

You keep squirming in your seat, readjusting. That’s how I feel today. I went to a coffee shop this afternoon to get some writing done, and after I grabbed my coffee and took a table outside, I felt like I just could not find the right position to get started. I kept shifting seats, looking around, considering other tables, moving my position for less sun then more sun… I’m sure the other person sitting out on the coffee shop patio with me thought I was insane.

Sometimes it feels like the more you want to do something, the more uncomfortable it is to do it. To simply begin. Do you know what I mean? Like in hindsight, the squirmy, unsettled version of myself siting with her latte was probably just feeling intimidated by the thing she was there to do. Nervous to get started, even though I wanted to be there, wanted to dive into the project I was there to work on. But mostly, I guess, I wanted to already have the finished product — to be at the finish, checking it off my list, rather than still stretching at the starting line.

It made me think of something I learned in a yoga class several years ago. I used to do Bikram yoga, which if you’re not familiar is basically the hottest, sweatiest and most militant of all the flavors of yoga; each class is an hour and a half, and the room is set to be extremely warm, and usually extremely crowded. You move through a set number of poses — a sequence that is the same every single class, and at every Bikram studio anywhere — and includes a significant emphasis on stillness and balance, with pauses during each pose (so, the opposite of vinyasa or power yoga). I loved it because it was a constant challenge, and because it required incredible discipline.

In those 90 minute classes, the instructors would encourage you to clear your mind, focusing on staying present in that hot room and concentrating on getting into the poses. For new yogis, they’d always say that success meant just staying in the room the whole time, and they were right; your brain goes into fight or flight mode eventually when you’re sitting in a 100+ degree, humid, smelly space, shoulder to shoulder with strangers who are absolutely drenched in sweat (and that sweat is very likely dripping onto your mat, and maybe even your arm) — especially when you're not used to it. They’d constantly remind us to avoid fidgeting or moving between postures, pushing the class to sit in any discomfort, and to embrace extreme temperature. I still remember hearing one instructor telling us to fight against scratching an itch, and that any itchiness was just in our heads… that it would go away eventually if we simply ignored it and shifted our attention. To be mentally stronger than the uncomfortableness that was causing us to crave movement.

While now, with years of distance between myself and my former Bikram practice, I can see that some of the guidance the instructors gave was a little…. much — unnecessary, and maybe unhealthy at times — I also know that I got a lot out of that practice. It pushed me to be uncomfortable in ways I’d never really experienced before, and taught me to understand my physical limits in a way I’d never tested before. I was always someone for whom things like school and good grades and successfully checking off goals — at least at that point in my life — felt relatively natural, and maybe even easy. I’m not saying my life was a breeze or that I didn’t routinely work hard, but up until that point, I’d never willingly put myself into situations where I knew I’d probably fail, or that would make me want to jump out of my skin because they were that outside of my comfort zone, so beyond what I considered normal or safe.

I mean, no one likes to be uncomfortable. At least, not most of us — not really. No one likes that feeling in the pit of your stomach that feels like you’re going to throw up, alerting you that what you’re attempting is perhaps too far outside your wheelhouse, or hearing that voice in your head that says loudly, like a toddler stomping their foot, “Who the heck do you think you are, trying THIS??” And so sometimes, our brain tries to save us from what we assume is a potential wipe-out. We fidget and fluster and find every other method of procrastination possible, to avoid just simply doing the thing weighing on our hearts — the thing pushing us to our edge. I mean, I know that’s what was happening to me at the coffee shop.

Often, we are our biggest hurdles. Our most adamant gatekeepers.

(More on that here. 🤠)

So, maybe, we just need to get out of our own ways. Shake the jitters out, and then do what you need to do, without worrying about the ending. All you have to do is be where you are, now. Stay in the hot room, you know? Might as well try.

So Many Somethings

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