Hi friends! Happy Friday!
When I was little, my mom would sometimes joke that I was “like a dog with a bone.” When I’d get fixated on a certain subject or goal, I wouldn’t drop it until I got my point across, or succeeded, whatever the case might have been at the time.
Turns out that characteristic translated into becoming an adult who feels a lot of feelings, and finds herself worked up over various life issues — wanting to help everyone and solve everything. (If you appreciate enneagrams, I think this is also called being a 2… 😅)
These last couple of weeks, I’ve found myself on more than one occasion feeling worked up and overwhelmed about problems in the world. (And by “in the world,” I mainly mean problems that I’ve encountered personally, and then realized were part of a larger or systemic issue.)
Worked up over the fact that the problem exists and that I want to fix it, and then doubly worked up from disappointment, after realizing that it feels like maybe I’m the only one who is quite so passionate about said problem(s). Like I care almost too much, or that other people care too little.
Have you had that feeling before?
Here’s a real life example…
There’s a dangerous and severe blood shortage facing the U.S. right now. This is personal for me, and I care deeply about doing my part to help end the shortage (as much as one person can do, you know?). I’ve been doing my best to help spread the word and encouraging my friends and family and coworkers to donate, and trying to educate my community about why a blood shortage is such a big deal. Asking everyone I know to sign up for an appointment with the American Red Cross. The kicker, though, is that I’ve also quickly found myself feeling let down — like when a friend doesn’t text me back to say sure, he’ll help spread the word, or if a post on social media doesn't get any traction. Teeny tiny things that don’t matter a whole lot necessarily, but make me feel like I’m in this fight alone. Like I’m the only one this issue matters to.
Now I know this may sound really silly to some — like, relax, it’s just social media! Or ignoring a text message doesn’t equate to not caring! Or duh, you shouldn’t set such high expectations of people or expect them to care about all the same things you care about, and at the same level. It’s unrealistic.
(Which it is! Logical me knows that.)
But, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting a little, or feel like a personal insult.
I was talking to my husband about this, and he’s really the yin to my yang in terms of personality, and he said, essentially, that most people don’t care unless something is directly impacting them. Not until it’s smacking them in the face. And on a certain level, I know he’s probably right. (We’ve seen that with the pandemic, haven’t we? Not to mention social inequality and probably I could write you a list of the issues we’ve learned in the last year and a half that people don’t care about until they’re at their front doorstep.) That’s still sort of tough to swallow though, right?
Shouldn’t everyone care… about everyone? Why is it so hard for so many of us to care about issues that don’t necessarily affect us personally? I say that knowing that while I’m over here in a tizzy about the critically low blood supply, there’s someone else around the corner or on the other side of this screen who’s up in arms about something else — something that I’ve probably spent less time thinking about than the time it takes to brush your teeth.
So, I don’t necessarily think that no one else cares. I just think that maybe we all have our things — our passion projects, the causes that get us fired up and make us want to move mountains and find magic solutions — and just because my thing is so important to me and feels so extremely personal and practically life or death, it doesn’t mean that someone else’s thing doesn’t also matter just as much.
We also can’t control anyone’s reactions (or actions) but our own. If someone doesn’t show the same fervor for the thing you’re so passionate about, it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care; they may show that they care in a different way. Or maybe all of their energy for changing the world has already been poured into a different cause. They may very well care about how much YOU care… but perhaps it’s also not personal enough to them to even realize you’re expecting a certain type of response or behavior change on their end.
Not everyone shows up in this world in the same way. Not everyone is able to show up the way you do, or care the way you care.
Long story short — if you feel like you care a whole lot, and sometimes you wonder if you’re the only one out there who gives a s*it…. you’re not. I see you.
And if sometimes you worry that you care too much?
You don’t.
If you ask me, there is no such thing as caring “too much.” Caring a whole lot is how things improve in this world. It’s how people’s lives end up changing for the better and how communities grow and the seemingly impossible gets solved. It’s how progress gets made. How sad would it be to live in a world where no one cared about anything or anyone else? And if you care more than your partner or the person down the street, so be it. It’s your superpower, and levels the universe, making up for the people who can’t give of themselves in that same way. We are all strong in certain areas and weak in others, and that’s really the beauty of humanity, you know? We balance one another out.
There is nothing wrong with caring, full stop.
With that, let’s also all care about having a safe and sunshine-y holiday weekend, okay? And seriously, if you can spread the word about the blood shortage and encourage your loved ones and neighbors and really anyone healthy with a pulse to make an appointment with the Red Cross to give blood, I’d be so grateful!
Thank you for reading. 💛
Sending you all the YAYs,
Joelle