Sunday night, I made a last minute decision to take the next day (aka Monday) off from work. Mental Health Monday, if you will.
I have been feeling burnt out (as I talked about at length last week đ« ) and have plenty of vacation time accumulated, so I figured it wouldnât hurt to cash some in.
There should be an asterisk after that sentence, though, because I âfigured it wouldnât hurtâ only after I overanalyzed the decision for longer than was probably necessary.
If Iâm being totally honest here, Iâd let you know that I hemmed and hawed about this decision. I thought about it all day, kept rechecking my work calendar and made excuses about meetings that âcouldnâtâ be moved. It was only after realizing I was dreading going to work (aka turning on my computer, because, uh, I work from home nowadaysâŠ) and rationalizing that my dad was in town so that was as good a reason as any to take a day off, that I finally emailed my boss to let her know my plan.
I pretty much never do that â take a day off *just because.* I am extremely protective of my PTO, and guard it like my life depends on it. Iâm usually only willing to part with any of those hours if a limb is falling off or I have a trip or ârealâ vacation on deck, especially now that I work 100% remotely. And really, even then Iâm kind of stingy about it, and often get annoyed I have to give up those hard-earned hours. Iâve been known to try and work extra hours on other days just to be able to avoid pulling anything out of my PTO account.
I sound fun, donât I?
I have no idea why Iâm like this, but itâs been my M.O. since I got my first big girl job after grad school. [Insert classic Millennial trope, right?]
And when I started writing the email to my boss, about taking Monday off? I automatically began flipping through all of the possible reasons I could share with her to make it seem clear that I NEEDED to take the day. But then, I stopped myself.
I realized I didnât need a reason. I didnât need an excuse, or to prove I was at a breaking point or having some sort of an emergency.
I mean, who cares why I wanted to use it? Iâm an adult, and I wasnât going to be hurting or inconveniencing anyone by taking one Monday off. Why I needed that time way, well thatâs my business, isnât it? (And obviously your business, internet friends, because weâre now in this together.)
Granted I donât know where you work, but generally speaking, thereâs no criteria for what qualifies as a âgood enoughâ reason to take time off at work; this isnât gymnastics at the Olympics â no oneâs judging your decision to use PTO to sit on your sofa and paint your nails and watch âSchittâs Creekâ all day. If youâre lucky enough to have PTO accumulated, itâs yours, and it exists solely to be USED. Literally! It doesnât have to be reserved just for taking a trip to Paris or caring for a sick kid (though yes, those are important too). Itâs also there so you can have a mini-reprieve during a difficult week/month, or recharge, or spend time with people you love. Or, sit on your sofa and paint your nails. Whatever.
Why are we so apt to create a complicated rubric for determining whether or not we deserve to take a day off from work? Why is the default so frequently that we are not worthy?
You are worthy of rest, and so am I. Maybe youâre not, like, climbing Mt. Everest daily or something else physically exhausting, but that doesnât mean you donât also deserve a break.
Personally, I spent my Monday taking a spin class, and then hanging out with my dad and husband (whoâd also taken the day off) wandering around Hermosa Beach, drinking coffee and acting like tourists for a few hours. My dad just turned 84, and I know without a doubt that my time with him being silly and taking a long walk instead of staring at my computer and checking emails was an excellent use of eight PTO hours.
And⊠believe me when I say no meeting is unmovable. đ
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I hope you have a lovely, sunshine-y weekend, friends! If youâre in Southern California with me, I know weâve got a couple more weeks of June Gloom, but hereâs hoping the sun peeks out for a bit. đ Oh, and if youâre looking for something good to listen, I recommend the latest episode (# 225) from the Bad On Paper podcast, on impostor syndrome⊠favorite line from the episode: âYou are not your thoughts. You are the observer of your thoughts.â
Thanks for reading!
Joelle