Hi there!
I contemplated what to do in this space for today’s post all week.
I considered just doing a round-up of happy links, or not posting at all. I’ve thought about writing an essay about my first mom-less Mother’s Day over on Medium and just diverting you there today.
But alas! I decided maybe it was best to just do another Friday ramble, because, yep — this Mother’s Day hits different.
If I think hard, the holiday has been feeling different for the last several years, really, since I’ve been in my 30s and more and more friends have started to have kids, and I’ve quickly become that one friend in the group who’s child-free. (Side note: I do have friends who will wish me a happy day every year, because I’m a dog mom, which is cute and sweet but very unnecessary and really not the same, in my personal opinion — although yes, my pup is my daughter, thank you very much.)
And now, the first Mother’s Day without my mom around… well, I sort of feel like skipping it altogether. Just sitting this one out.
I don’t necessarily feel extra sad or lost or really anything more than I’ve BEEN feeling just because the holiday is coming up this week (despite being slammed with nonstop Mother’s Day email marketing and Instagram spam). Admittedly, though, I have consciously tried to keep some blinders on these last few weeks, as sort of a preemptive safety measure. I don’t need any reminders that my mom is gone; I already know that, viscerally. (Nine months and counting, if anyone besides me is keeping track.) Reminders to order her flowers or buy a matching set of pajamas are extra punches to the heart that I straight up would like to avoid. And, this may be awkward to say out loud, but I also don’t want people to feel like they have to censor themselves or go out of their way to ask how I’m doing this week just because I’m the mom-less one this time around. It just makes me uncomfortable.
And….. I don’t have human kiddos of my own, and there’s a high likelihood I never will. This is not necessarily by choice, although it sort of is. It’s a health thing, and I have known this my entire life, but recently it was laid out for me in a bit more black and white. It’s fine and I rarely talk about it, but I do think it’s important to share, because I know I’m far from the only one in this type of scenario. Just another reminder that this holiday, while wonderful and important, can also be very tender and sensitive for a lot of people out there, and comes with an airport terminal’s worth of baggage.
So, I’m going to sit this one out.
If you want, you can too. Promise. You don’t have to explain it to anyone, or justify the way you feel, nor wrap it up with guilt. Skipping this holiday — or really any other holiday — doesn’t mean you begrudge others who are celebrating, or who are moms/with their moms. It just means you’re doing what you need for yourself this time around.
If you find Mother’s Day a tough day for you, I see you.
If you have mixed emotions about celebrating this year, lost a parent or had a difficult relationship with your mother, have struggled to become a mom yourself, or really any other experience that sits heavy on your heart during this holiday weekend… I see you.
If this is your all time favorite holiday and you can’t wait to brunch it up this weekend or whatever your plans are with family, nothing wrong with that. I see you too.
And if you don’t know what the future holds and it makes this weekend feel like something you want to ignore, same! I’m with you. It’s okay.
I think there comes a point with age and probably relentless life experience where you have to learn to be gentle with yourself. To do your best to protect your heart and spirit as much as possible, at all costs, and know that if you don’t, no one will. You can’t rely on a knight in shining armor or some superhero to swoop in and shield you from the stuff that will break you, or that you know will just not be right for you during certain life seasons. And so, that’s where I’m at. I’m taking a mini vacation (!!) to relax and refresh, and it’s really just a coincidence that I’ll be out of town in suspended reality during this holiday weekend. I didn’t plan it, but it’s a bit of serendipity.
By the way, this vacation is my first since the pandemic started. My vax-ation. 💉☀️ (Sorry not sorry for that terrible pun.) YAY!
I’ll leave you with this quote that I read for the first time yesterday:
“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.”
— Edith Wharton
So good, isn’t it? A nice thought to head into the weekend with.
Have a lovely weekend, and leave a comment to let me know how you’re doing. (Really, I want to know!)
Sending you all the YAYs, today and always,
Joelle
I so appreciate the idea of being gentle with yourself. It’s what we would say to a friend going through something, but I feel like we often forget to extend this same kindness to ourselves. I hope you enjoyed your vax-ation! It’s been awhile since I’ve explored around San Diego but it’s definitely a nice mini road trip getaway. Do you ever explore the little Italy area? We had some really good pasta there once and I’ve been wanting to get back someday.