Friday Things // 02.11.2022
The one about burnout.
Hello, hello!
How are you doing today?
I took today off of work as a sort of mental health day. I never, ever do this, and usually feel guilty for taking time off of work when there’s not an emergency or national holiday occurring, but I’ve started to feel really burnt out and knew I owed it to myself to step back, at least for a day. (I know there’s a tremendous amount of privilege in being able to take a random vacation day, and I don’t take that lightly.) I think I mentioned this last week, but I’ve been working longer hours than usual and have just been spent. Wrung out. So, I took today to have a mostly free day where the hardest decision I had to make was what color to paint my nails (went with bubblegum pink, for the record).
The irony, though, is that I woke up with anxiety this morning — the kind that makes you want to stay in bed forever. Waking up like that doesn’t happen to me often, but it’s really the worst feeling. And even though I know why it happened, it sort of tarnished my pristine day off. It’s pandemic related, and was only strengthened after I read a news article today about the alleged waning power of Covid boosters. Sigh. (I know that a lot of people out there are yelling that EVERYTHING IS FINE, JUST OPEN IT ALL UP, and that those of us with trepidation need to just get over ourselves, but, um, no. And that is stressful too — having society constantly telling you that you need to learn to adjust to living with a higher risk level than you’re comfortable with, before you’re ready to do so, arguing that driving a car is dangerous too and we all do that, like it’s a fair comparison.)
**steps off [unexpected] soapbox**
Inhale.
Exhale.
Anyways, back to burnout. I’ve been noticing for weeks (months?) that my patience has been worn thin, and it’s harder than ever for me to maintain pleasantries for things at work that just seem ridiculous or uncalled for. (In other words, I find myself more blunt and less tactful than usual, which is extremely out of character.) My tolerance for rudeness or mansplaining is basically nonexistent. I’m someone who has long prided herself on an unflinching ability to stay affable and professional but there’s holes in my armor right now.
In the evenings on weekdays, I’m finding it impossible to do basically anything that involves critical thinking. Instead, I’m glued to the sofa watching the television equivalents of brain candy. I mean, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that necessarily, but it’s just something I’ve noticed, as someone who never used to watch much television at all pre-pandemic.
I have no doubt burnout is even worse for people with small kids, or who are in higher pressure jobs (hello, healthcare workers — burnout is probably a gross understatement for them; I can’t even begin to imagine how they’re hanging in there at this point). But, anyone can experience levels of burnout. It’s not a competition, so if you are feeling some sort of way and feel like it can’t be, or you haven’t done “enough” to warrant or justify your exhaustion or struggle, please just let that judgement go.
The literal dictionary definition is “exhaustion of physical or emotional strength or motivation usually as a result of prolonged stress or frustration” — sounds like we should ALL be burned out by now, no? Just saying.
To that point, burnout doesn't just happen out of thin air; it’s a slow build, and to be clear, I don’t think that one day off of work can cure something like that. I mean, the fact that I (and many people) are so hesitant to even use vacation days probably speaks volumes about how so many of us have ended up in any burned out-adjacent zone, never mind a lingering health crisis and political environment. And I don’t know how to fix it, sorry to say. Beyond permanently stopping the thing that is likely causing it, that is, which most of us can’t do. (Can’t just up and quit my job, you know? And you all juggling work from home with children, you can’t just leave them to fend for themselves; hell, you probably can’t even take one afternoon off.) But if there’s way to establish better boundaries for yourself, I encourage you do to that — even if they seem small, or you feel selfish. *All of this* will all still be waiting for you, but sometimes establishing some sort of self care practice (which I think includes boundary setting or refining) can make a world of difference.
In the meantime, I’m here for you. Let me know how you’re doing in the comments, or send me a note. 💛
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I hope you all have a great weekend, and if you’re looking for something nice to do leading up to Valentine’s Day on Monday, may I suggest writing valentines to the kiddos at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles? It’s so easy and takes only a couple of minutes to do, but can brighten a child’s day. I sent two!
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Thank you for reading!
Joelle
Yes to all of this! I used to watch the news before work as a breakfast ritual. Now I just stream comedies while drinking my coffee because I need the relief of laughter before diving into work.