Hi friends!
How did this week treat you?
Mine flew by, and I can barely believe it’s already Friday. I remember being a kid and thinking the days and weeks dragged on, but once I hit my 30s, it has seemed like time moves in a flash. I have today off from work (my company provides every other Friday off, because we work longer hours during the rest of the week), which is a blessing from the universe I definitely took for granted pre-pandemic. The virtual life/computer fatigue is real.
Has anyone else noticed that there seems to be much less frequent “How are you’s” in conversation nowadays? As if we all have enough of our own anxiety and worries at this point, that hearing how someone else is doing is a bridge too far, unless they’re your best friend.
I mean, outside of jumping onto work conference calls or attending Zoom events (lol “events”), where someone inevitably asks while you’re all waiting for others to join the call, is there even a situation anymore where that would organically get asked? It’s not like we’re meeting for happy hours or grabbing coffee together these days, right? (Or, you probably aren’t…I’m not, though I wish I was.) But even on those Zooms, rarely will anyone answer the question with a shred of honesty, because we are all SO TIRED at this point. You’d probably say you’re fine and give an awkward chuckle (just me?) — even if you’re not remotely fine — and move on til everyone’s talking about spreadsheets or puppies or whatever your meeting was about in the first place.
This all makes me think of a tweet I saw going around this week too, defining the term “pandemic-fine.” In other words (according to the reporter on Twitter who seems to have coined it), “a state of being in which you are employed and healthy during a pandemic but you're also tired and depressed and feel like trash all the time.” 👀
….did anyone else start singing Adele’s “Hello” in their head after reading that definition? 😿
I think it’s easy to feel like if you’re alive and relatively healthy amidst everything happening in the world across the last 11 months, then the best thing you can do is not complain, and just go about your business. But “fine,” even in the normal definition of the word, is not necessarily good enough. You can be healthy and still be in a whole heck of a lot of pain. You can be okay, and still be hurting emotionally or struggling with anxiety or dealing with a medley of things that are valuable and hard and shouldn’t be diminished just because other people have it objectively worse. That may be an unpopular opinion, but I personally believe everyone’s struggles —while sure, not necessarily equal — are valid, and are difficult in the context of whatever their life experience has been up to that point. And, it doesn’t hurt to acknowledge that another person is going through something that’s hard for them… even if that something is just, you know, daily life right now. There’s still plenty of room for compassion and empathy, even when it feels like we’ve all got enough emotional baggage of our own hanging around to rent a moving van. We can also remember to stay grounded and realistic and not compare our daily hurdles — not to someone else’s, or to the * really big * problems out in the world.
My mom used to always tell me growing up that everyone has something, and you’re only given in this life what you are able to handle. Is that universally true in all cases? I’m not sure, but I have always considered it a comforting thought. Even now, even in a pandemic.
Anyways, all that to say, I think asking someone how they are is still so important, regardless of what personal hell we’re each going through right now. Everyone (everyone!) needs someone to listen, and to know someone else cares.
And now that I’m sitting here thinking about this, I’m not entirely sure that the infrequency to ask a routine “how are you?” is even rooted in the pandemic. I think, actually, that it started back when social media started to become such a integral part of our day-to-day routine. Specifically, that habit of posting about everything you’re doing, everything you’re feeling, so that friends start asking about you in relation to what you already shared in a social media post and they’ve therefore already “heard” about, rather than thinking to ask you new questions, or inquire further. Like assuming everything going on in your friend/coworker/cousin’s life has been shared through an Instagram caption or a tweet and there’s nothing deeper to unpack. Maybe this only applies to people who post often to social media, or who air their lives’ emotional laundry to the internet (hiiii 🙋), but hey! Food for thought.
I mean, I’m pretty honest on social media, especially if we’re including blogging and this newsletter under that umbrella, but even still, I’m a pretty private person. I mention that only as an example (out of probably hundreds others) of why you can’t judge a person’s life based solely on their social media accounts. No one’s life is as cute or shiny as it looks online, and there’s a lot more to know about a person. (But we all already know that, don't we?)
To be honest, that’s part of how I ended up starting The Yay Club. I wanted to create a space where we could talk about the messiness of life — during this oh so messiest of times — and create a community that roots for one another. That acknowledges the hard, not so great stuff but still manages to remind one another to stand in the sunshine.
Extremely long story short, maybe we can all commit to asking one person a day how they are… what do you think? I’ll start — how are YOU? Really. (Answer in the comments, or email me, or sky-write it… whatever.)
Have a great weekend! I’m here for ya.
Sending you all the yays,
Joelle
Friday Things // 02.05.2021
How are you? 😀 I feel that pandemic fine description. I have so much to be thankful for but life since March 2020 has had its trying moments (understatement!) Small joy: I went to a podcasting workshop recently and learned about some tools for audio storytelling. It was a 4 hour workshop over two days with teachers from across the nation...it was really cool to take the time and space to learn something new and it felt a way to move life forward a bit. Let’s face it, we’re still living our lives over Zoom squares which is not ideal, but I feel like some good has come from it. I also have a Zoom moms group that I meet with every Tuesday, which I found out about through our hospital. It has been a nice lifeline and something positive to look forward to each week. And the Yay club every Wednesday and Friday, thanks Joelle!
How are you??? I love the photo and visualize where you are standing ... maybe a sign of my “I’m fine but missing my kids and grand puppy something fierce” kind of sign...🤷♀️