Friday Things // 04.23.2021

The one with a lil revenge procrastination.

Hi friends!

This week, I learned two things.

One is that this thing that I do, that I’ve done for the last year despite it really not serving me well, is apparently not as random or uncommon as I previously assumed. That *thing* is being unable to put myself to bed at a reasonable hour. (“Reasonable” for any adult with a full-time job and other daily responsibilities that require high levels of thinking and functioning, that is.) I have often joked that I need a grown-up to tell me it’s bedtime. An adultier adult, you know? Otherwise, despite being tired, it’s a struggle to force myself to head down the hall and into bed to get some sleep.

I have done this throughout my life sporadically, but never as often or consistently as over the last 13 months. The pandemic took this random tendency and brought it back with a vengeance. Like you know how some people sleep more when they’re upset or worried? Apparently I fight through my exhaustion to binge-watch old 2000s television shows, before tucking myself in around midnight.

I mean…. not the worst habit, but really not conducive to trying to wake up before 7am to, say, go for a run, I’ll tell you that much. (And to think I was once, for a long time, a person who got up at 5:30am. Where’d she go?) Granted, I’ve gotten used to this sleep schedule and luckily my husband is [usually] an adultier adult, and so I often do get to bed a bit earlier. But left to my own devices? Forget it.

But, apparently this is a THING! It’s called “revenge bedtime procrastination,” and other people do this, or at least according to the internet. (The name is a teensy bit aggressive for what is essentially me watching hours of old “Gilmore Girls” episodes, but alright.) Anyways, this so-called revenge bedtime procrastination, as explained by writer Daphne Lee, is “a phenomenon in which people who don’t have much control over their daytime life refuse to sleep early in order to regain some sense of freedom during late night hours.” I mean, sounds about right. #pandemiclife

Anyways, I learned about this (and instantly felt seen) after reading this article earlier in the week. If you don’t feel like clicking the link, the story is about putting a name to that blah feeling so many of us having been feeling lately. The author (organizational psychologist Adam Grant) calls it “languishing.”

“Languishing is a sense of stagnation and emptiness. It feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield. And it might be the dominant emotion of 2021.”

Yep.

I mean, that sounds a bit sadder than I’d say I personally feel, but the muddling through of it all is right on the money for me. Not sad, just very…. meh.

I’ve since shared that article with a few friends, and just about everyone has responded to raise their hand and say they’re also feeling like a part of the languishing club. Not totally discontent, but also not excited or super motivated. So, not looking forward to anything in particular anymore, and instead, just swimming through, pushing forward, day by day. Sort of a Hemingway grey vibe, dare I say.

Before I realized there was a word for what I’ve been feeling, I’d started trying to figure out a way out of this grey ocean. To be… excited about something again, or at least feel like I had some goals to work toward, like I used (pre-pandemic, pre-“new normal,” and pre-losing my mom). I’ve been thinking about career goals, and am looking into a running coach (I’m a middle of the pack runner and not loaning to win any races anytime soon, but why not, right?), and, well, I started writing consistently in this space. Bite-sized goals. Tiny victories.

Between that and the vaccination confidence that’s allowed me to venture out into the world a bit more than I’d done in the last 13+ months, I can feel the sun breaking back through more than it has in a long while. But I think it’s going to continue to be a journey for most of us, as we all figure out what our lives look like now and decide when it’s actually safe to start making real plans again or — gasp — consider traveling without having a panic attack about being around so many people. (I know a lot of people have already been traveling — once again or never stopped — but personally, I’m not quite ready to sit in an airport boarding area yet, or even indoors at a restaurant…. baby steps.)

On that note, I’m headed out to happy hour (yes, really!), at likely a very social-distanced table somewhere outdoors. I may wear a ballgown and a lot of eye makeup, because honestly, it’s been a long time since I’ve been out anywhere that wasn’t my backyard on a Friday night.

Let me know in the comments how you’re doing, and if you feel me on the languishing thing.

Sending you all the YAYs,

Joelle