I was a magazine person growing up.
That’s probably the most ‘90s thing I’ve ever said, but sincerely — I adored every magazine I could get my hands on. From the time I was five or six, I loved leafing through the catalogs my mom would get in the mail, circling items I liked or thought would be pretty in our house (or, eventually, in my grown-up house). [I’m sure that was totally normal kid behavior, right?] Eventually that morphed into reading my mom’s issues of “Good Housekeeping,” and all the teen magazines I could get my hands on. That evolution naturally continued to women’s beauty and fitness magazines, filled with so many “tips and tricks” I’m sure I’d cringe at nowadays. That content undoubtedly helped fuel a difficult relationship I had with my body as a teenager and into my 20s, but nevertheless, I was a HUGE fan. Still am — I love a print magazine with my whole heart. Now less you think this is about to be a thousand words dedicated to how important print publishing is (though I could probably write that essay easily), let me say this: in my 30+ years of reading magazines, that’s a heck of a lot of articles and interviews and essays, but there’s still one specific article that stands out to me.
I can’t tell you now what magazine it was in (although if I had to guess, it was probably “SELF” or “Health,” about 10 years ago), but it was an interview with the actress/activist Sophia Bush. In it, the journalist had asked Sophia about her workout routine — pretty standard question in basically every early 2000/2010s magazine — and as part of her response, she said that when it came to working out, she made do with whatever time she had available to squeeze it in, and afterwards — no matter how long or short the workout may have been — she would tell herself it had been enough. 20 minutes, an hour, whatever.
It was enough. The end, moving on.
At the time, I was deeply (deeeeeply) steeped in diet culture (I’ve talked about my unhealthy relationship with food and body image here before.) So much so, that I believed with every ounce of my soul that a workout was worthless if it was less than an hour. A run was worthless it was less than a 5K. And that I was failing as a result. Reading Sophia’s interview, and that quote specifically? It was like a light bulb turned on for me. I vividly remember being so genuinely moved by what she said, and that seemingly radical thought that you can give yourself permission to be okay with whatever it is you had done, or had within you to give, on any given day… it was mind-blowing to me. A revelation.
I even ripped out part of the article with that quote.
This sounds sort of dramatic, maybe, but since then, that interview answer has stuck with me. I mean, clearly — a decade or so later and I’m sitting here writing about it. It applies far beyond fitness.
It popped into my head earlier today. I was thinking to myself how time feels like it just flies by lately, and how I have felt like I’m stuck in some kind of quicksand during my weekdays, where it’s so hard to have a “productive” day. (In quotes because truly, what is productivity anymore? Does it matter?) I was frustrated with myself, that I’ve only made time to really do the ‘basics’ that keep me functioning Monday through Friday — workout, work for 9 hours, eat, maybe hit a doctor appointment or errand like getting my car’s oil changed. It didn’t (doesn’t) feel like enough, when I have a running to-do list of things I want or need to do… Send a package to my best friends. Order flowers for someone. Do the physical therapy exercises I’m supposed to still being doing on the regular for my knee. Bake muffins or bread with the <getting riper by the second> bananas in my kitchen. Clean my bathroom. Write.
I mean, the list goes on.
And maybe it doesn’t sound like stuff that’s all that pressing or important but it’s in my head, taking up real estate with my thoughts, and at the end of the day, I have been finding myself saying, “Hmph, that’s all you got done today???”
But you know, Sophia was right. It is enough — whatever I’ve done by the time my head hits the pillow. It’s enough. I need to let it be enough.
I say this a lot to others — both in real life and here in this space — but seriously, friends… life is still really, really hard out there. 2020 opened a flood gate and I don’t know about you, but I definitely don’t think it’s closed yet. So whatever you’re doing, now more than ever, is the best you have to share with the world given *everything* constantly smacking us in the face each day, and that’s OK. Give yourself grace. Whatever you’re doing, however you’re doing it.
It’s enough… really.
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I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! Sorry to have been silent here last week, but I was busy trying to avoid Covid in my house (my husband got sick — he’s fine now💛). Thank you all for the kind notes about my last post, and if you want to read something light and, dare I say, fluffy like a pancake, here’s a new personal essay I wrote for Allrecipes that came out recently. Hope you enjoy it, and hey — be kind to yourself.
Thanks for reading!
Joelle